REVIEW: I Want To Die But I Want To Eat Tteokbokki

REVIEW: I Want To Die But I Want To Eat Tteokbokki - Baek Sehee

Genre: Non-Fiction | Memoir

Release Date: 23rd June 2022

Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing

Baek is successful, young and healthy - she has an amazing job and a good life. But she begins to see a psychiatrist about something she can't quite describe. She doesn't exactly want to die, but most of the time she doesn't have the energy to live either. She isn't happy, but she finds little moments of joy, like in her favourite snack tteokboki.

She spends all her days hiding her feelings of depression, desperation, doubt and finds it leaves her with little energy for love, friends or happiness. Over the next twelve weeks, she sits in that room with her psychiatrist trying to unravel the cycle of self-abuse and crippling hopelessness that is taking over her life.

"I wasn't deathly depressed, but I wasn't happy either, floating instead in some feeling between the two. I suffered more because I had no idea that these contradictory feelings could and did coexist."

Somewhere between memoir, diary and self-help, this book is one of the most authentically real things I've read in quite some time. A very genuine, not sensationalised account of mental health and the staggering impact it can have on a life that seems perfect on the surface. Exploring treatment, realisation, and the side-effects people often don't see, Baek gives a sense of catharsis in letting out all the suffering and pain onto the pages.

Poignant, painful but unbelievably affirming - this book feels like a personal conversation with Baek and has a strange comfort, a companionship that makes you feel less alone.

The structure was interesting, featuring transcripts of her therapy sessions and her own memories and recollections of the time - these were very dense, and I'm not sure if they've been edited as they felt somewhat scripted and unnatural at points.

For me, I found the overall flow of the story too dense and difficult to read at times, and of course there is a disparity between my own experiences with mental health in the UK and another in Korea - however this is such an important book that I'd recommend you read it anyway.

⭐⭐⭐⭐

I was gifted an advanced reviewers copy of this title in return for an honest review.

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