Every morning Janet Brown goes to work cleaning offices. It calms her, cleanliness, neatness. All the things she’s unable to do with her soul can be achieved with a damp cloth and a splash of bleach. However, the guilt she still carries about a devastating loss that happened eleven years ago, cannot be erased.
Then, Janet finds herself involved in a train crash and, recognising the chance to do what she couldn’t all those years ago, she makes a decision. As news spreads of Janet’s actions, her story inspires everyone around her, and for the first time her life has purpose and the future is filled with hope.
But Janet's story isn't quite what it seems, and as events spiral out of control, she soon discovers that coming clean isn't an option. Because if Janet washes away the lies, what long-buried truths will she finally have to face.
A genuine and honest story about love and loss, with a darkly funny streak that reminds us just how strange life really is.
Janet was both the hero and villain in her own story - she was flawed, troubled and damaged, she made terrible choices but underneath it al was a kind hearted woman who just wanted to feel love and safety in a world that had none of those things. She found herself crushed under the pressure of not only her life but her newfound fame and infamy. The way she is written made me connect with her instantly, down to the way she thinks and the way she sees the world through such an intensely anxious lens. I found catharsis and companionship with her along her journey.
She acts as our narrator, walking us thoughtfully through everything that happens with occasional glimpses into the darkest moments of the past, showing us little pieces of a much larger puzzle. But eventually this slow, steady pace spirals out of control into unpredictable and erratic chaos, in a way that seems outlandish but really is such an accurate show of just how absurd life can become in a moments notice.
Levin masterfully creates a suffocating, claustrophobic atmosphere that follows us from page to page, weaving little details into the settings and the people around us that make the walls feel like they're closing in. It's clear Janet is trapped not just in her own mind, but her relationship, in her grief, in her lies - and we feel that caged anxious energy from the first page.
This is a painfully authentic reflection about the dark side of grief and loss that can seep into every aspect of life - it takes us to difficult places, but Levin offers a comforting hand to try and guide us through this journey and hope for a little bit of a light at the end. We look at the real depths that our sadness can take us to, and how it manifests so differently in all of us, but also how we don't only mourn for the dead.
An empowering shining story about finding life after letting everything go, and how difficult that really can be.
Thank you to the Instabooktours team and Charlotte Levin for inviting me to take part in this readalong. I was gifted a reviewers copy of this title in return for an honest review.
cw: abusive relationships, loss of children, traffic and train accidents, illness, injury, depression, suicide.
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